Valis Keogh (valiskeogh) wrote in helpdeskstories,
Valis Keogh
valiskeogh
helpdeskstories

REAL INTERNET TECH SUPPORT CALLS!!!

yes yes yes people!!!
last friday, we had one of those events that happens... oh... once a month if we are lucky, twice a month if we aren't lucky, and every other day if we are in the BOWELS OF HELL WITH MAGGOTS EATING THE BURNING ROTTING SKIN FROM YOUR DECAYING CORPSE.

the event?
A TARD QUAKE !!!!
yes that's right children, a TARD QUAKE!! a tard quake happens at times, the epicenter is kinda hard to pinpoint, but basically waves of tardness wash out from wherever the epicenter is, and when a tard wave hits a tard, the tard does something tardish and calls me.
now generally, the tards occasionnally just kinda call on their own, when a tard QUAKE happens, they AAALLL CAAALLL ATTT OONNCCEEE.
we had a tard quake on friday.
all the tards in tennessee called me at once on friday. non freaking stop. each call was worse than the last. each one made me want to either laugh, or cry, or had me staring at the screen with my jaw on the desk in PURE WONDERMENT AT THE STUPIDTY AND INSANITY that i was witness to.
i have no fewer than 6 calls from friday night alone. SIX. i missed several good calls, occasionally i would get a call, hang up, and just lay back in my chair with my mind frozen. just frozen. the technotard has this unique ability to suck the life and intellect out of a person. before i had time to react, the next one would call me...
ANYWAY, enough with the bitching, here is ONE CALL from friday night that i HAD to share with you people. HAD TO SHARE.

CLICK HERE FOR ONE OF THE BEST CALLS EVER!!! ONLY 16 SECONDS LONG!!!
oh GOD this call had me just about on the FLOOR after i hung up... OH GOD GOD !!!!
ONLY SIXTEEN SECONDS LONG!!!
so you have NO EXCUSE not to listen to this excellent EXCELLENT phone call!

now a little explanation, it's NOT unusual for someone to call me up and say "is there anything wrong with the internet?" or "is the internet down?". not unusual at all. those have CEASED to be funny they are so freakin common. (i'll make some jokes about that later) generally when i say "no" or "not that i'm aware of" they CONTINUE with the actual reason they are calling, i.e. "i can't get my email", or "my computer wont let me connect" (like their computer is purposely NOT letting them connect cause it hates them, that one never ceases to get to me...)
however THIS call is exceptionally unusual, and damned funny, this guy asks me if there is anything wrong with the internet. i say no. he says... well... um... okay... bye... and i say BYE! hang up, and laugh my mother f'in AAASSS OFFF

sigh... good times....

valis
Typing Test:
Your score: 372 keys per minute ~ 74 words per minute
Ranking: That was fast - you can still improve, though.
Comparison: 23% of registered TyperA users using this language have typed a better result; 77% have a lower or equal result.
i still maintain that under normal circumstances i type faster than that, normal meaning not havnig to capitalize words. i NEVER capitalize words unless it's for emphasis, and when i miss capitalize a word at the beginning of the sentances on that test they count off for it... bastards...
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We've kidded around here about just telling people to give it 10 minutes, we've rebooted the Internet.
BWWAAAHAHAHAH